Something Else

Ran out of red wine,
Ate all the almonds;
Ain’t this healthy living
Something else.

Managed a mile run;
Piled on the push-ups;
Ain’t this healthy living
Something else.

But I ain’t got you,
And no love is no good.
Aren’t you coming over?
Oh, if only you would.

Starting with several sit-ups;
Onto the overhead press.
Ain’t this healthy living
Something else.

Stemming the saturated fats;
Diving after the Vitamin D3.
Ain’t this healthy living
Something else.

But you’re still not here
As all these alleged muscles get sore.
To fully complete this course
Requires I be with you a whole lot more!

Don’t want any more red wine
And you can keep the nuts:
Please get over here—
No ifs, ands, or buts.

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Etiquette Fail

And so the time has come to go.
Thanks for your time and the Music and the Love;
Wisht I’d better acquitted myself,
And had earned a place up there high above.

But I’s just another fat American
With no one else better to blame;
Like Journalism on the Progressive bias—
All part of the same tired game.

But what are these chest pains:
Signal push-ups or Pearly Gates?
Gotta go to work tomorrow
With a boss who blithely hates.

So, have another glass of merlot—
Twas an unassuming vintage.
But I’ll miss you ever the most:
Thou of sterling mintage.

But it hurts a bit right here,
Around about where my broken heart lies.
Bury me next to Momma or scatter me in Sandbridge;
Try not to mind those nipping sand flies.

But you better not fail me:
You best try to find the Real;
Don’t lie, don’t drug, don’t cheat,
And never, ever lower yourself to steal.

Now, it’s past time to leave.
[Never got that part right]
Adios muchachos,
Bon soir, and good night.